An epic day for the US.
In a shock twist straight out of a sci-fi movie (or shall we say film), US President-Almost-Elect Donald Trump and tech maverick Elon Musk have put aside their egos, lawsuits, and Twitter/X habits to pull off the world’s first ever unfabricated moon landing.
That’s right, folks – the image above proves it.
Trump and Musk have stomped their boots on lunar soil, and early reports confirm the moon is in fact not made of cheese.
Elon, sporting his signature black turtleneck (no space suit required, obviously), floated from the SpaceX lunar module with the sort of casual swagger only billions of dollars can buy. Following him, Trump, refusing a helmet – because, frankly, “he’s never needed one before” – stepped onto the moon with an air of monumental nonchalance.
And thus, history was made, folks.
One small step for man, one giant leap for Twitter threads.
The Landing
Sources say the landing itself was nothing short of “vintage Elon.”
After all, who better to trust with a lunar landing than the man known for launching a Tesla into space and somehow not crashing it into a moon crater?
The moment Elon hit lunar soil, the duo swiftly went to work. Trump, ever the businessman, reportedly planted a flag with “Space Real Estate – Open for Investment!” on it.
Then Musk, a few steps ahead as always, set up a quick solar panel and opened pre-orders for moon rocks, NFTs, and tickets for next year’s Mars mission.
Word is, Trump even pitched a new Lunar Golf Club idea right there on the spot. They’ve promised an 18-hole course by 2025 – but only for Earth billionaires in desperate need of a bogey under lunar gravity.
Moonbase Madness
Back on Earth, the world tuned in with mixed fascination and horror. For fans of humanity’s next steps in space, this is the big one. For everyone else, well, it’s a tad surreal watching two larger-than-life egos stomp around in space suits fitted with logo patches from their respective ventures. But hey, that’s progress, right?
Some residents of Earth saw the unfolding events as highly offensive, although when questioned could not ascertain why.
Back on the subject of progress, the good folk of St Ives, Cambridgeshire, are particularly buzzing.
Rumours are flying this lunar escapade could finally bring down the price of moon rocks, a substance St Ivians have long hoped to see available at the Farmer’s Market.
Yes, it’s true – the esteemed market-goers of St Ives have long yearned for an affordable lunar keepsake. As a St Ivian yourself, you know this to be true, right?
After all, it’s 2024, and if Jeff from the butchers can’t gift his missus a bit of genuine moon rock on their anniversary, what’s the point of modern space travel?
So here’s to Donald Trump and Elon Musk, two titans of ambition who’ve made moonwalking feel just that little bit more, well, achievable.
And from the residents of St Ives in Cambridgeshire, a hearty congratulations for their out-of-this-world feat. What an epic day it has been for the United States.
We only hope it means we’ll be picking up moon rocks at next month’s market sale!
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